I Tried Everything to Heal My Chronic Pain. Here's What Worked.

The things that worked, what I can’t live without, and what I learned about coming back to myself.

Before we get into the story, I want to share what type of chronic pain I’m referring to and how it affected my life. I think there are a lot of people who deal with chronic pain, and I want to be clear: just because I found a way to cure myself doesn’t mean I’m pain-free forever, nor am I a doctor. So take what resonates and leave the rest.

I also want to be completely transparent and share my exact protocol with you. I think you will find it helpful and, at the least, reassuring that if you are suffering or navigating any type of chronic illness, you aren’t alone, nothing is wrong with you, and it isn’t bad karma or a punishment from God. However, I know all too well how easy it is to question that.

But please, if I’ve learned anything, it’s this: don’t give up on yourself. Your body is telling you something you just can’t understand yet.

Let’s start with the facts:

1. Chronic pain is real, regardless of what anyone else may tell you.

2. Your symptoms are real.

3. You aren’t crazy. The pain is real.

4. There isn’t anything wrong with your body. It’s doing its job to protect you.

5. You are so worthy of living a pain-free life.

6. No one thing will heal your pain.

7. You can 100% heal yourself.

8. You do not need approval from anyone to take care of your body.

Chronic illness is defined as:

Chronic illness is generally understood as a health condition that lasts 6 months or more and requires ongoing medical attention and/or limits daily activities. Chronic pain is pain that lasts longer than three months or beyond the expected healing time.

For me, my chronic illness showed up out of nowhere; it was severe back-of-the-head, base-of-spine tension migraines. It would last all day, every day for months. The easiest way to describe it is to imagine a 200-pound weight just sitting on open nerve endings, breaking the top of your spine, while also crushing the back of your skull. I wish I was exaggerating.

No amount of Advil, Tylenol, or higher-dose pain reliever would even give me the slightest bit of relief. I had gone to countless doctors and specialists, had CAT scans, MRI scans, blood work, etc. You name it, I did it. I was passed along like a lab rat from one office to the next, and yet everyone I saw had the same response: “You’re 100% healthy.”

I was at the point where I was so desperate to find any sort of relief that I went to the emergency room 5+ times, bawling, begging for help, and every time they would send me home. They dismissed me time and time again. I think this is the most soul-crushing thing you can do to a patient who is clearly unwell, crying, begging for any sign of relief.

I felt crazy. Why wasn’t anything showing up? Why was I so miserable? Why me, God? What do I do? Am I just making this up?

During this time, I was also working my ass off, 60+ hour weeks, making the most I’d ever made in my business, booking $20K projects on repeat, and yet I was miserable.

I wasn’t able to care for my team as a leader in the way I once did. I worked from my bed most days, and on top of that, I felt like the worst mom in the world because I couldn’t physically be present.

I somehow learned how to ignore it, push past the pain, and convince myself I was just imagining things. Until one day I couldn’t anymore.

I remember the exact day and the exact moment my chronic migraine sent me over the edge, and it’s where my healing journey begins.

It was early evening on a Friday after work; I was driving from Temecula to Palm Desert, as I do bi-monthly. It’s a routine drive that I’ve done since I was a little kid. It’s the pass between my hometown and San Diego.

Everything started out just fine, as normal as it could be. I finished working for about 6 hours that day, packed the car with my son and dog, and headed out for the weekend. About halfway there, I started getting clammy, having hot flashes, and then the shakes started. At first, I thought I was getting sick. So I immediately pulled over, got out of the car for some fresh air, and before I knew what was happening, I threw up. I got back in the car thinking I’d just wait for it to pass, but it didn’t.

When I thought to myself, okay, I can do this; I’m fine; it’s all in my head; I’ll just try to go a little further, just a little at a time, it got worse. My vision started getting blurry, so I pulled over once more. I started shaking from fear of getting into a car accident because I couldn’t see, which led to a full-body panic attack. I honestly thought I was having a seizure or heart attack; I had never experienced something like this before.

I cried as I was trying to hold it together for my family, but I couldn’t go on, so I called my dad and told him I didn’t feel safe to drive. Thankfully, he was available and had a friend drive him to us—a 45-minute drive.

Once he arrived, I was relieved but still in shock. I didn’t know what was happening to my body. I didn’t know how to explain my symptoms; I just knew I wasn’t in control.

And looking back, I think that was the moment I finally realized I couldn’t keep doing what I had been doing and expect my body to just keep carrying me through it. I had spent years pushing through, making everything work, taking care of everyone else, and convincing myself that if I could just try harder, be better, I could keep going. But I couldn’t keep ignoring what my body was trying to tell me.

That’s when I realized I had to stop looking outside of myself for the answer and start looking inward.

It takes radical honesty to heal. To take accountability for your life.

Not on a surface level, but in the deeper truth of what is working in your life right now, what is not, what are you trying to force, what are you trying so hard to accomplish or work towards?

Are you able to sit in the quiet with your own mind? How does your body feel when there’s no noise from the TV, your kids, husband, colleagues, social media, or any technology, for that matter?

When you truly just sit with yourself—and I’m not talking about meditation. I’m talking about just lying in bed before you fall asleep. Is your heart racing? Do you have a million thoughts running through your brain? Do you wake up in the middle of the night thinking about what you need to get done? Do you always anticipate the next sequence on your to-do list or what you need to do next?

If you answered yes to any one of these things, know you are not alone. From my experience, I’ve learned that we have to be radically honest with ourselves about the things in our lives that may not be supporting us in the way that we hope, because our body is trying to teach us. It’s trying to communicate with us. And if we can recognize it, we can allow ourselves to get quiet enough to hear what it’s telling us.

I know this is way harder than it seems, but it’s how to change your life. And when you’re desperate enough, like I was, you will do anything regardless of how silly or non-logical it may seem.

When I have a flare-up of tension migraine coming on, I know that something is out of alignment. And being able to acknowledge the symptoms is the first step to your healing journey.

I’ve always been a very honest and truthful person, but when it came to my health, I was oblivious. Maybe a part of me didn’t want to face the truth. Maybe a part of me just didn’t want to admit where I was struggling, or where I was trying to make everything work.

No one likes failure. No one likes rejection. No one likes facing these things. Especially when it comes to your body.

Your nervous system protects you from pain. It puts blinders up so you won’t have to suffer. But then at some point, it becomes too much, like you added too much ice to your water glass and now it’s overflowing. This is what I like to call suppressing our emotions.

And it’s exactly what happened to me. The harsh truth is that I didn’t even know I was doing it.

I also wanna talk about EMFs real quick because I do believe, to an extent, that they play a part in all of this.

For those who don’t know or aren’t familiar with EMFs: electromagnetic fields are invisible areas of electric and magnetic energy that exist naturally in our environment and are also produced by human-made sources. They’re all around us, from electricity and household appliances to computers, phones, Wi-Fi, electric cars—you get the point.

And before you question if I know anything about a signal blocker, I do. In my opinion, “blockers” haven’t personally worked for me. I was no better, no worse than before I used them. There has been extensive research into how different types of EMF exposure may interact with the body, including thousands of studies looking at cognition, sleep, cardiovascular function, and other biological effects. The more I thought about it, the more aware I became of the possibility of this playing a factor.

I’m a 1990s kid who grew up without technology for the first 13 years of my life (besides the landline with the 2 ft cord). When I think back, I remember being such a creative, fun kid who had unlimited ideas and endless energy.

I know I’m a lot older now, but I have full confidence I can retain my brain function, break free from brain fog, let go of the heaviness, and live a chronic pain-free life with full vitality. I’ll do a whole post on how I melted away chronic inflammation and regained vitality because it’s truly changed my life.

But before I was able to do this, I needed to come back into my body and break free from chronic migraines once and for all.

A quick backstory.

I had just been through cancer and was a 24-year-old single mom with a 3-year-old. The most important thing to me was my son and to be as present as possible, to live every day like it was my last, and to enjoy the blessing of being alive. But I still needed to make money to meet our basic needs. So I thought if I could work from home, then I would be able to be with him and make a stable income for us to live.

When I decided to go into tech (graphic design, coding, SEO, web development), it wasn’t something that I had ever thought I really could see myself doing, but I saw other people doing it (poorly) and making really great money. I remember saying, wow, if they can do it and create things like that, I can use my creative abilities to not only be a designer, but to create a home away from home for founders needing an online space that was authentically theirs, a beautiful reflection of their inner world.

I’m not gonna bore you with the life story of my business, but we can sum it up to this. I started working with agencies in 2014 and opened LRA Design Studio in 2020.

I wanted to bring this up because I do feel that EMFs have contributed to my chronic illness. I’ve been on my computer for a minimum of eight hours a day, not including my phone and scrolling for countless hours, or binge-watching TV shows for the last two decades. I mean, to think nothing has contributed, I would be lying.

Now to the how.

How did I overcome my pain and begin to regain control of my life?

I want to start by reminding you that what worked for me may not work for you. You also must know I lean towards holistic medicine; as I mentioned before, I had cancer at 23 and had to undergo what seemed to be a million rounds of chemo and was prescribed 12 different pills that I was told I needed to take for the rest of my life.

In my gut, I knew this couldn’t be the only way to help me live and sustain a healthy life.

So after a year of consistently taking them, I woke up one day and threw them away. Yep, flushed every single one. And I’ve never filled them again since.

Back to the point…

I was miserable and refused to take anything higher than an ibuprofen 800, which is potent in itself and should relieve a little pain. Nope. I would take two every 8 hours and still nothing.

So by that point you can imagine I was desperate to try anything. I took a month away from taking on any new projects, although I had some still wrapping up, and dedicated my life to feeling better.

There wasn’t a specific one thing I was going to do. I was just open to trying anything anyone would suggest; I’d read or hear on a podcast.

I tried everything from acupuncture, chiropractic services, weekly massages, sound healing, meditation, yoga, tapping, journaling, reading, silent meditation, red light therapy, sound wave therapy, changing my diet, microdosing mushrooms, listening to healing activations, subconscious reprogramming, sitting in direct sunlight, running (and I’m not a runner).

Anything and everything, I did it.

What I found was that the more I tried new things and added something to my routine, the less it seemed to help. Now, these things are great on their own, but for me it was just adding something else to my day instead of getting to the root problem.

What I came to realize is that I was still living in a state of fight-or-flight. But I didn’t think I was because I was doing all of these “things” that were supposed to calm my system. Then it hit me: the practices and tools I had been doing were only helpful if my body was in a regulated state.

So I started doing breathwork, daily mantras, paired with somatic healing, and then I found myself going into/dropping into a state of bliss. Some people define this “state” as the subconscious. I went there, and as soon as I arrived, so many emotions started coming up, pouring out of my body.

Some days while in meditation, I would just start bawling. Other days I was scared to face the truth or to feel the pain of my traumas; I’d be resentful, angry, and frustrated. But other times, I felt limitless, a sense of calm, as if nothing could affect me.

With the help of TBM (To Be Magnetic), I continued doing the inner work. I listened. I began to feel my feelings, the ones I had been unknowingly suppressing for decades.

I faced my traumas; I relived them, I felt through them, and reparented them—to be there for the woman who once had to hold it together.

To the young adult fresh out of high school who had to pretend she was fine, even though she was in an abusive relationship.

To the 20-year-old new mom who brought a child into this world without even knowing herself.

To the 24-year-old who had to go through stage 3 cancer alone while being a single mom.

To the one who was so angry at my parents for never having a stable home for us.

To the little girl who just wanted to play house, but no one was around.

To the 7-year-old who didn't know if her mom would ever come back for her after leaving her at a shit motel.

These memories were stored deep in my subconscious without me ever knowing I had been suppressing them for so long.

My body was telling me to let it go and to stop overworking. To stop putting everyone else’s needs first. To take care of myself for once. And to stop giving my energy to everyone else around me.

I was on this constant rollercoaster that would never end, avoiding and suppressing my experiences time and time again. Because it was easier to be happy and grateful I was given another chance at life than it was to acknowledge my pain and accept my past.

So I continued this practice daily for about 3–4 months straight. It would help but didn’t cure me. I still had chronic pain, with a few days of being 80% pain-free every once in a while.

What finally started working was when I was able to fully regulate my nervous system. I realised that when I was doing TBM, I was in a state of calm, which is why it was helping, but because I didn’t know how to stay in that state, my brain would flip back to its “safe” place of fight-or-flight response.

This took a lot of time. I had to really hone in on what made me feel even 1% better. Every time I tried something, I would ask myself, Did that make me feel more grounded, even if I was still anxious? I started paying attention to the things that actually made a difference instead of just adding more and more things to my routine.

I eventually bottled all of this down into what I call my slow morning ritual.

My non-negotiables: Slow Morning Ritual

It starts with waking up about an hour before my son so I can sit outside and be still for around 10 minutes. I listen to the birds, feel the sun on my skin, and breathe in gratitude for being here and waking up healthy. Yes, I would religiously tell myself this, even when I didn’t fully believe it.

Then I follow that with light movement for about 10 minutes—to stretch, breathe, and connect with myself.

After that, I journal. This used to be a daily non-negotiable, but now that I have let myself become a writer here on Substack, I type freely for 10 minutes. No topic, no guidelines, just free-writing.

I learned this from Nichole Sachs’ book Mind Your Body. In the book, she explains the idea of free-writing followed by 10 minutes of meditation. So I write, then sit with my thoughts and let everything I’ve written process and release from my body.

I’ve also found that sipping something warm in the morning helps my nervous system feel safe. So for me, that looks like a warm oat milk matcha latte. I also replaced my coffee because it played a huge role in making me anxious, especially before having anything to eat.

Then, before I carry on with my day, I say something positive either about myself or about the day in general. Sometimes it’s as simple as, “It’s going to be a beautiful day.”

I have to give credit to Mimi Bouchard, who was featured on a podcast a few years ago and said something I will never forget: “You are the creator of your life.” Meaning, you are in control of your reality. That stuck with me.

I believe that if you truly embody the version of yourself that you want to be, it will eventually happen. And so that’s what I practice every morning. I practice becoming the version of myself I want to be, before I even start my day.

Now Turn the Lens Back on Yourself

This is where I want you to stop reading for a minute and actually sit with yourself. You don’t need to have chronic pain to ask yourself these questions. You just need to be willing to be honest with yourself.

Get out a pen and paper. Set a 10-minute timer. Don’t think, just let the words flow.

1. What in my life right now feels heavy, forced, or like I’m constantly trying to make it work?

2. Where am I putting everyone else’s needs before my own, and what does that actually feel like in my body?

3. What am I avoiding feeling, thinking about, or acknowledging because I don’t want to deal with it?

And here’s something I wish I understood much sooner when I was going through all of this: pay attention to how your body feels when you’re regulated versus when you’re not.

For me, being regulated doesn’t mean I’m happy all the time, calm, or that nothing ever bothers me. That’s not realistic. Life is going to happen. There are going to be hard days, stressful moments, unexpected things, and times when your nervous system is activated.

The goal isn’t to live in a constant state of regulation. The goal is to know what regulation feels like for you, so you can recognize when you’ve moved away from it and know how to come back.

I know when I’m feeling more regulated when I can breathe deeply, my thoughts aren’t racing, I don’t feel like I need to immediately solve everything, I can sit in silence without feeling uncomfortable, and I can actually allow my body to process what I’m feeling without immediately trying to push it away or fix it. Sometimes just acknowledging it is enough.

When I’m not regulated, I notice the opposite. My thoughts start racing, I feel like I need to get everything done right now, I’m more reactive, I start anticipating what’s coming next, and I can’t sleep.

Your signs might look completely different, and that’s okay. We’re human, not clones. So be open to seeing a new way of understanding your body and what it’s trying to tell you, and take this story as evidence that if I can heal, so can you.

Here are some additional questions you can ask yourself if you’re feeling the urge to go deeper:

What does your body feel like when you feel safe?

What does it feel like when you’re overwhelmed?

What helps you move from one to the other?

Know that you don’t have to figure it all out today. You just have to start noticing.

Because life isn’t a straight line. Some days will feel easy, while others won’t. There will be moments where your nervous system is activated, and that’s okay.

What matters is knowing what it feels like to come back to yourself.

For me, that’s what my slow morning ritual has become. I need to put myself first before I can pour into anyone else. It’s not something I do because I need to be regulated every second of every day. It’s something I come back to because I know it helps me reconnect with myself and remind my body that we are safe, loved, and worthy of the life we desire. We don’t have to suffer anymore.

And that’s really what I’m moving through in this phase of my life.

For so long, I thought taking care of myself meant adding another thing to my routine. Another practice. Another protocol. Another thing to fix.

What I eventually realized is that I didn’t need more. I needed to honor myself, get rid of the limiting beliefs that were holding me back and keeping me stuck, and allow my emotions to flow without judgment.

This is what healing has looked like for me. Not being regulated all the time, but knowing how to come back to myself when life inevitably pulls me away.

What I’m Sitting With Now

The question I’m sitting with now is what happens when I stop trying to make everything work and start listening to what my body is actually asking for.

For so long, I thought taking care of myself meant adding another thing to my routine. Another practice. Another protocol. Another thing to fix.

What I eventually realized is that I didn’t need more. I needed to honor myself, get rid of the limiting beliefs that were holding me back and keeping me stuck, and allow my emotions to flow without judgment.

I’m still learning what that looks like in this phase of my life. I’m still learning to notice when I’m pushing, when I’m trying to control something, when I’m putting everyone else’s needs before my own, and when my body is asking me to slow down.

But the biggest thing I’ve learned is that I don’t need to be regulated all the time. I just need to know what it feels like to come back to myself.

That’s what my slow morning gives me. It’s the place I return to when life feels overwhelming, when my thoughts are racing, or when I realize I’ve started putting myself last again.

So I’m curious: what did you find when you sat with these questions? What resonated with you in this post? I want to know. Reply and let’s continue the conversation.

References & Resources

I’ve mentioned a few of these throughout the post, so I’m including them here in case you want to learn more or explore them for yourself.

To Be Magnetic (TBM)

To Be Magnetic is a subconscious reprogramming and manifestation platform created by Lacy Phillips. Their work includes guided Deep Imagining™ audios, somatic tools, workshops, and practices focused on identifying and shifting subconscious beliefs.

Activations

Activations by Mimi Buchard is an app featuring habit-stacking, short, guided audio practices designed to support subconscious work, emotional processing, and personal growth.

JournalSpeak

JournalSpeak is a free-writing practice created by Nicole Sachs that uses uncensored writing to help you get what’s happening internally out onto paper. It’s the practice I referenced when talking about free-writing in my slow morning ritual.

Mind Your Body

Mind Your Body is a book by Nicole Sachs that explores the connection between the mind, emotions, and physical symptoms. It also introduces practices like JournalSpeak and free-writing to help you explore what may be happening beneath the surface.

These are simply the resources I’ve used throughout my own healing journey. You don’t need to do all of them, and you certainly don’t need to add more things to your life just because they’re on this list. If something resonates with you, explore it. See how your body responds.